


Tired and Regret

by Enchanted_Sorceress



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Cross-Posted on AFF, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 12:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchanted_Sorceress/pseuds/Enchanted_Sorceress
Summary: He is tired of everything............... and he gave up!





	Tired and Regret

**Author's Note:**

> It all started from a slip of tongue....

Jiyong tries to give his husband a call. Due to Seunghyun nature of work, he needs to go for outstation in Busan. Jiyong had reminded him to call him when he arrived at the hotel, just to inform he had safely arrived. But being Seunghyun, he feels that it is not necessary to call, as Jiyong will ALWAYS calls him later.

He was happily enjoying a show on the tv when he received his husband call. So predictable, Ji!

“Hey, have you safely arrived?” chuckling when he heard Jiyong worried tone.

“Yup, I’ve arrived three hours ago?” Jiyong gasps.

“Why don’t you call me?”

“Is it necessary? I know you would call me,” Seunghyun immediately regret what he just said. Aishh... stupid mouth. I would met with a sulking Jiyong when I go home. He sighs.

“O...o....okay. Glad that you safe. Rest well, Hyun. Bye”

“Jiyong....,” and the line has been disconnected.

Seunghyun ruffles his hair, although he regrets it, the damage has been done. Maybe, when he gets back tomorrow, he will try to apologise to Jiyong.

It is really heartbreaking when you heard your husband says that a phone call to your spouse is not important. He really has met his threshold, and he really is tired. He remembers, everything in their relationship, he is the one who gives his heart and body to Seunghyun. As Seunghyun, he accept Jiyong because Jiyong was there. Not because he love Jiyong as much as Jiyong love him.

For 2 years of dating he was the one who keep chasing him. Jiyong was the one who kept telling Seunghyun that he loves him, and Jiyong was the one who proposing him. Even, after 5 years tying the knot, he stills the one who always initiates the moves. Every call, every text, he’s the only one always keeping track and light up their marriage. He’s the one who wanted to make their life fun, while his husband takes everything for granted. Seunghyun just agreed on everything Jiyong done.

And now, he started to feel tired. Tired of everything. Tired for waiting, tired of initiating intimacy, tired of giving his all….

For Seunghyun, today is weird. Jiyong always call or text him every day. But today there is nothing. No phone calls, no text, nothing. He wanted to call Jiyong, worried that he is not feeling well, but the announcement of telling the passenger to board their flight interrupting everything..and the phone call that he wanted to make being forgotten. He thought Jiyong would understand that he is a person that hates being clingy, but loved when Jiyong being the clinger.

He loves him, but getting used to be the receiving end. He enjoys his calls, his texts, and his moves, his everything. It made him feels loved. But he forgets that the one man that he loves is only human. He forgets that the man has been giving him everything for nearly 7 years. He forgets that the man also needs to feel love. And now he started to regret as he faces the consequences.

* * *

He comes home, greeted by a delicious aroma from the kitchen. Jiyong have been preparing their dinner. Smiling softly, he seated himself at the couch. He loves seeing Jiyong cooking. But again, he feels something strange, Jiyong never been this quiet. Usually whenever he came home, he would be greeted by Jiyong cheerfully. Today, Jiyong is so quiet. Seems like ignoring him. ‘Do i do something wrong to him? Do I forget something? Maybe he has a very bad day at work,’

When dinner is served, he moved beside Jiyong, trying to kiss his cheeks, playfully, hoping to get some reaction. To his dismay, Jiyong avoided his kiss.

“Okay Honey. This is strange. Do you have problem? Mind to share?” only been answered with silence. “I’m screwed, him being quiet means bad news.' he thought. They started eating their dinner with an awkward atmosphere.

“Ji, tell me please,” trying to break the silence.

“I’m tired Hyun…. I am really tired!” The only thing he heard during dinner.

“Tired of what?”

“Of You…”came the slow answer. Seunghyun nearly choked his meal. Never in his nightmare he would hear that word being said to him. He started to panic.

“Do you feel out of love, Ji?” He try to understand what is going in Jiyong mind.

“No, but I’m really tired, Hyun.” He kept hearing the word tired, makes his temper started to rise.

“Enlightened me. WHAT ARE YOU TIRED OF?” He yells, but regrets it as he saw Jiyong flinch to his tone.

“Waiting for you…”

“What?”

“I’m tired of waiting for you to love me… I’m tired of waiting you to appreciate my existence. I’m tired of waiting for your call or text every time you went out of town. I’m tired being nuisance in your life. I’m tired of being treated like nothing, tired of being the one who chased you, tired of this marriage!” Teardrops pouring his beautiful face.

Hearing Jiyong blurted his years of penned up frustration, Seunghyun feels like a bomb have been dropped on his head.. He tried to hug Jiyong but keep getting pushed away.

“Jiyong… honey…please…” This is the first time he begged Jiyong.

“I don’t think I can stay forever like this. I love you, but I need to save my heart. Hyun, we need a break. I don’t think I can handle this anymore,”

“No, you don’t mean it, Jiyong.” Still, trying to persuade Jiyong to change his mind.

“I mean everything that I said. I really do think you never love me. You love me, but I’m not the one you love. I’m giving up on you,” He saw determination in Jiyong eyes.

“Jiyong…..” He really is speechless. Jiyong rarely tell him his feeling, although he always thinks that Jiyong is so easy to read. He always shows his feeling through his expression. But he always forgets, Jiyong is a good actor. He keeps his feelings bottle up for Seunghyun. He always makes sure Seunghyun happy, although he is suffering. He sacrifices everything, giving his everything for the sake of Seunghyun happiness. But now he is totally wrong. Jiyong has giving up on him.

His trance comes to an end when he heard the front door slams shut. Running to chase Jiyong, only to find out that Jiyong has driving his car to an unknown destination. Frantically he calls Jiyong handphone, to try to talk, to try to persuade him to change his mind. But his calls have been rejected.

“Please Jiyong. I’m sorry, I’m selfish, but please, give me another chance. I promise I will changed for you,” is only he managed to say in the voicemail. But still, he didn’t manage to get through Jiyong.

The dinner left untouched. The delicious meal that always inviting him every time he’s home, has been his nightmare. Tiredly, he clears all the dishes and put it in the kitchen. What’s the use of eating if Jiyong is not there to accompany him? That is where he saw the ring, a letter and a folder. The divorce file that have been signed. Tears started brimming in his eyes. Slowly, he opened the letter;

> Dear Seunghyun,
> 
> I know this is quite shocking for you. But I started feeling tired of our relationship. I am tired when you don’t even appreciate all my effort to make our relationship fun and entertaining. If I recall, I’m the one who always chasing you, not the other way round. Is it hurt your pride if for once you been the one who chase me? I feel like I kept chasing shadows.
> 
> I’m setting you free, Seunghyun. People do said, if you love someone, you need to let them go. This is me, loving you to death, Seunghyun. And I’m letting you go. Please find the one that you love dearly. I really feel and know I’m not the one for you. You love me, but you don’t ‘love’ me.
> 
> I’m giving up of you… You are free man now.
> 
> -Jiyong-

 

And Seunghyun can’t stop crying, wailing Jiyong’s name with regret until he falls asleep.

He was awakening by the loud ringing from his handphone. Groggily, he answers it, hoping it was Jiyong.

“Hello, may I speak to Mr. Choi Seunghyun?” a very polite and sweet voice greets him.

“Speaking, who’s this?”

“I’m calling from the hospital. We found your phone number as emergency contact from Mr Kwon Jiyong,”

“What happen?” He already jumped from his bed, getting ready to bolt out while listening the caller explaining everything. Again, he can’t stop his tears…..

You will never know how to appreciate what you have until it is gone.

It’s raining...... As if the Mother Nature weeps with him.

Everyone has left him alone. He just stood there staring at the smiling boy photo on the stone. The photo that he knows by heart, photo that he always kept hidden in his wallet. He has no tears left. Everything has been blur for him.

“You really give up on me, huh Jiyong? You don’t even give me chances to redeem myself. To show you that you are really worth my love, that YOU the love of life,” a bitter smile formed on his lips.

“But, I will not stop loving you, my love. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being selfish, I’m sorry for neglecting your feeling all these years.. I thought my action is enough, but it only makes you misunderstood. I’m really, really sorry, Ji,”

“If you do not hide your feeling, if you told me what you feel, i would try to change for you. I would pamper you; show you how much I am worried about you every time i need to leave you alone. I learn how to constantly call and texts you like you always done for me. But no, you kept it in you and when it blew, you left me forever. Do i really not deserve your forgiveness?”

“I love you. I really, really love you. How could you? Please Ji, i know I’m wrong, but don’t I deserve another chances?”

“I know this is cruel, but please for the last time, wait for me. I don’t know how long it takes, but I beg you to wait for me. This time we will be together for eternity,”

“I will always wait for you,” He heard a faint whisper behind his neck. Only then he manage to smile. Caressing and kissing the gravestone, he walked away.

* * *

 

 

Two years later, Seunghyun had been diagnosed for lung cancer due of being an excessive smoker after Jiyong death. He died 4 years later while battling with his illness for heart failure.

He opens his eyes. Seeing himself lying on plush, green field. Jiyong beside him, smiling. His face is so radiant and glowing, smiling happily at him. “I told you I would come for you, Jiyong,” kissing his lips, the lips that he missed so much.

“I know,”

“I love you, Jiyong.”

“I always love you, Seunghyun.”

**Author's Note:**

> Author note :
> 
> I know it seem cliche. I just wanted a happy ending.


End file.
